angels

people often describe angels…the ones too good for earthly life, that God wanted back

with wings, and harps, and halos they flutter above the pearly gates, welcoming new arrivals

or those who perch precariously on car bumpers and motorcycle handlebars, guarding teens from certain maiming…

or who spend long nights hovering over babes in cradles, lest a cat smother them…

but I have seen real angels…they are in hospital cafeterias offering to buy coffee or a meal

they cheerfully mop around the feet of exhausted parents, and offer pleasantries as if this is…normal

they smile, and speak to complete strangers, open doors, and hold elevators for weary families

they hover at the bedside of patients for long, thankless hours…i’m sure they hear the unspoken gratitude on silent lips

they entertain children of those waiting for devastating news…hearing of heartbreak or shock, offering a hug, or a tissue, or a listening ear

many angels wear loose clothing, some with colorful patterns… their hair is pulled back above a collection of totems and assorted amulets they wear around their necks

though they differ in appearance and function, they share one thing…they love, unconditionally, unendingly, and without expectation of return

©️2019

words

slowly, as if islands emerging from the fog, the words come

some are welcome…received with anticipation…others are painful, difficult, unpleasant

words of beauty, joy, and promise…words of pain, loss, and tears, all fall onto the page

the spaces between are moments of struggle, fight, and rage…moments of peace, comfort, and acceptance

somehow, i assemble them into a pleasing form…one day a single word appears, the next they tumble from my fingers

read from the page they speak survival, growth, and love

spoken, they pierce hearts, and uplift souls

slowly, the words come

©️2019

knowing

i know your body better than i
know my own…at least these last few years

it seems so wrong…mothers study their newborns, marveling at the wonder of a new life, and the magic in each tiny finger and toe…

yet i find myself taking stock of each now familiar feature, your landscape, with every touch..some thirty years past your birth

your brown eyes close with pleasure as i stroke your boyish mop of dark, curling hair…every scar, every ridge of mended bone, bearing witness to your struggle

i massage and stretch once strong, firm limbs…now relieving cramps and contractures

how much i’d rather hear complaints of sore muscles…of bosses, and schedules, and bills

this is your life, i am a participant…no longer an observer watching as you rise

 

©️2019

shoe

every day, i’d kick off my shoes next to my chair in the dining room, and every day, she’d ‘steal’ one, and wait for me to notice

she would tease me, laughing as only a loved dog does…and with glee in her eyes, she romped through the house, with my shoe just out of reach

this morning, for the first time in…years…my shoes remain where i left them

her stuffed pig and donkey lie silent, dormant, in her empty bed…waiting for a game that will never begin again…and my heart breaks

she was, a good girl

©️2019

4680

i feel as though i could sleep forever

as though my life has stopped, suspended, frozen in time

i catch a glimpse in the mirror over the small sink, and wonder who that is, looking back at me…she looks so old

we’ve been in this room, 4680 in the intensive care wing, for a month now…or is it two?

i was anxious to get here at first, then impatient with our progress…now achingly accepting of our plight

your plight…i am free to wander, but these off white walls and rhythmic machines hold you within

i sigh…not in resignation or exhaustion, i sigh as one with you, my lingering son

we sigh as one, as this day ends and another dawns…as your eyes close and our dreaming begins

©️2019

undone

i didn’t finish my basket weaving today…and that’s as it should be, i suppose

we aren’t ever…finished. there is always something left undone, something to change about ourselves, a new path to take

i think i will leave this one as it is…to remind me of how we change as we grow, taking on new form as our days are added

i have changed as each moment, each day…each year…wove itself into me. and as my basket is, i am, not yet done

i will never be done

©️2019